If I am not angry, Am I a racist?

Yesterday I have experienced something that shook me and taught me something new about myself and others. 

As you know there is a enormous movement after George Floyd´s death. Hundreds of years of oppression, police violence and racism burst out and influence the whole world. We are moved by what is happening in USA. I don't know how you react but I feel like I am getting sick when I look at video clips showing arrested people gasping for air. I am feel fear, I am sad to my bones and I feel desperation. 

WE ARE EQUAL. It should be obvious. 

Yesterday I saw on FB that one of my friends posted following words: If you are not angry, you are not paying attention. And she attached hashtags: #blacklifematters and #metoo. 

Before I go further I want to mention that until now we had a very nice connection. I met her several times, she knows what I work with (I hope), we laughed and felt really comfortable in each other company. She is a known person in a multicultural society, talking openly about her own experience of being person of colour, being engaged in LGTB rights. I think she is bright and very interesting. 

Usually I comment such a things like: never. But this time I did. I wrote: I am not agree, I am not angry, but I am touched, concerned and sad. She answer me immediately. It was a long comment saying that whatever I say I am wrong. English is her second language and she is a very smart lady so her comment was intellectually strong. I could express myself with the same strength in Polish, but I did take a chance to explain as good as I could in English. She wrote that anger is a healthy feeling and that I should work on mine if I have a problem to accept it and to deal with others anger. 

Well, I tried to make my point by saying that if somebody is very angry body is filled with stress hormones and it causes some limitations in our perception and cognitive thinking. And this makes people not so good dialog partner. I what was most important for my comment that even though I am not angry I DO CARE.

It was not an argument for her. She told me to read more about things. Her comments were long,  I should attached them to my post to be transparent and to let you make your own conclusions, but I will not do that. I am not going to discuss it further but I want share my experience. And I hope you can trust me that I am honest.  

To my comment I also attached an emoji with rolling eyes. She commented this: and drop eye-rolling emoji - it doesn't belong here. I wrote back - what is true - that I was not aware of meaning of this icon and that in fact many of us use emojis wrong. She pasted to her comment explenation of emoji with many words of responsibility of commenting, of responsibility to use right icons and so on. 

Wow. 

But the most surprising came at the end. She concluded that my way of thinking is: "Directly dangerous and harmful". 

And now, what I should do? How I should answer this? Me, who is working last 12 years with multicultural groups, people in crises: black, white, yellow and brown.  Me who is called second mom by Somali girls? Who drove many hours in some far far fjord to visit Eritrean woman after she left a crises center with her little baby, because I was like sister to her. And I did it on my private time. Is my anger the only thing that matters?

I just answered that those words were beyond something one can call: constructive critic.

This was a personal attack without a reason. If one says that anger is acceptable and needed one should accept that others can feel different way and that measure of anger does not show how much one is engaged. If so we should look at hooligans as people getting out their frustration in a legit way. We can scream how much we want but if we dont do things every day all this screaming is a waste of air. I do things every day. EVERY day I work for people of colours to make them stronger, happier, more educated. I teach them about food, politics, dealing with stress, how to use contraception, how to find a job, calling UDI, police, NAV, etc. And I do that for all people of all colours. For me it does not matter if I am at museum with my white friend or a black girl from Sudan. Art is for everyone. World is for everyone. This is how I PAY ATTENTION. THIS IS HOW I PROVE WHAT I BELIVE IN EVERY DAY. Not just by being angry.

People can be very angry as much as they want and still do nothing. Just talking.  

Anger is healthy in some situations. Anger can initiate an important movement and change but anger will not justify everything we do and we have to give space for other feelings. Anger can be also destructive and an obstacle on our way to dialog. 

I have blocked my friend from FB. Not because I am am not able to tolerate critic, but because I am free to choose if I want to be involved in such a hostile behaviour.

I am surprised by calling me "directly dangerous and harmful" just because I said that I am not angry but sad and concerned. And I do hope that people who read my and her posts got a picture. I am moved in a very special way; it learns me a lot. Look what happened. Woman that I really liked and appreciated "drove over me" like I was a racist. No, she didn't tell me that - at least not when I still had her as my FB friend - but I do asked myself a question: if I am not angry, am I a racist? 

What scared me most in my experience is: transition from one reality to another. How much power we are willing to use to keep a peaceful status quo, and how little we need to start a battle.